So it’s been a minute since I actually sat down and watched The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Life been lifing, bills been billing—you know how it goes.

But the other day, I’m just minding my business, scrolling on Instagram like a good citizen, and boom—here comes a clip of Kandi Burruss.

And baby…

She was READY. 👀

I mean, she was giving full instructions like it was a team meeting:
Talking to Kenya Moore like,
"If this fight pop off, don’t interfere."

Now hold on.

Not instructions.
Not a game plan.
Not a pre-fight strategy session on a pre-recorded show.

I had to pause the video like—

“Wait… Kandi? OUR God-fearing Kandi??”

I am like now where is that Don Juan???

Now see… here’s where it gets even more interesting, and I had to clutch my invisible pearls just a little bit. 

Because word on the curb is that Kandi Burruss—fresh out of that divorce—allegedly went ahead and cut the check upfront.

And not a cute little check either, baby.

We’re talking about a lump sum somewhere over $400K… plus FIVE luxury cars.

Sis said, take this and go in peace.”

 Because Let’s Be Clear… She could do that!

SO don’t get me wrong—I love me some Kandi.

She is:

49 and Gorgeous ✔️
a certified boss ✔️
multi-stream income having ✔️
wrote songs you still sing in the shower ✔️

Sis got money on money… on money. And I am not just speaking about her bank account. I'm talking about her consciousness.

Which is exactly why I am confused.

🤨 The Comments Had Me Weak AND Weirded out Though

Now I slide down to the comments (because that’s where the real ministry happens), and folks talking about:

“Yeah Kandi will fight.”
“Oh she don’t play.”
“She bout that life.”

And I just sat there like…

Really?

That’s what we celebrating?

Not her business acumen.
Not her longevity.
Not her empire.

…but the fact that she’ll throw hands?

Oh no, we got to come higher than this.

Girl… This Is Beneath You and The Pay Grade The Lord Has Blessed You With (Respectfully)

And when I say that, I mean that with love and a little Southern side-eye.

Because at this stage in life—
this age,

this type of legacy we building
this level of success,
this tax bracket—

Fighting should not even be an option on your menu.

Like ma’am… you are not an appetizer. You are a full-course investment and brand.

You don’t risk:

• your brand
• your endorsements
• your peace
• your legacy
• 
  

…over a moment that’s going to be replayed more times than your greatest hits.

Now what's done is done. And we now understand to not come for you.

Let’s Elevate the Energy

If anything, this is the season for:

• cutting people off with class
• reading folks with vocabulary, not violence
• and exiting situations like your time is expensive (because it is)

Because truth be told?

The real flex is self-control.

Anybody can pop off.

But it takes a woman who knows her worth to say,
“Yeah… I’m not doing this with you.”

Kandi, sis… we love you down.

But fighting? No Ma'am.

At 49?
With millions?
On camera?

Baby no.

That is beneath you, behind you, and honestly… a little too cheap for the lifestyle you’ve built.

Let them argue.
Let them perform.

You? You collect checks and keep it cute.

Now that’s the kind of energy we need to see. 

There has been much conversation surrounding the dress—the now-infamous dress that has sparked outrage, judgment, defense, sermons, and side-eyes all at once. And as I watched the discourse unfold, my mind immediately went to the story of Esther.

In the Book of Esther, King Xerxes summons Queen Vashti to appear before him—many scholars believe unclothed or at least in a humiliating, objectifying way. Vashti refuses. Because of her disobedience, she is divorced and stripped of her title as queen.

What’s interesting is how this story is often handled from the pulpit.

Many of the same dignitaries and leaders who are now publicly condemning Dr. Karri Baby’s appearance will also stand in sermons and justify the king’s decision against Vashti. Her refusal is framed as rebellion. His response is framed as order. And rarely do we sit long enough with the complexity of that moment—or the cost of either choice.

So when I see Dr. Karri Baby at the center of public critique, I wonder if part of the truth is simply this: maybe she wanted to live a little. Maybe she wanted to have fun with "her husband".

But she must understand and recognize  that it doesn’t exempt her from critique, it does remind us that freedom always comes with consequences—especially when lived out loud.

And this is where my own mixed emotions come in.

Because I am the woman who plays her rap music loud on the highway while wearing her prophet’s garments and ring. And sometimes on the way to church. I use it to attract people to me and witness.  

I am also the woman who wears fitted, sexy gym clothes when I work out.
I am the woman who believes in holiness—and also believes in looking good for her husband.

And yes, there was a season in my life when I had fun breaking the rules. I enjoyed my freedom. I pushed boundaries. And I was also judged for it. But I don't know if I would have worn this dress.

Okay maybe for a night out with bae...

But in the past... I didn't pretend to be shocked when others had opinions. Sometimes I explained my reasoning and sometimes I didn't.

At the same time, I won’t pretend—I didn’t feel a check in my spirit. Not condemnation. Not discomfort. Because intention matters. Context matters. Covering matters. And while I firmly believe women should never be reduced to their bodies or their clothing, I also believe discernment is wisdom, not oppression.

Salvation is personal. Each of us must answer for our own convictions. That said, Scripture also reminds us to be mindful not to cause one another to stumble. 

There is a tension there—because while we are not responsible for managing everyone else’s desires, we are called to walk in love, awareness, and accountability within our own communities.

And as Dr. Reid often says, when something is public, it becomes open to public opinion.

That doesn’t mean every opinion is right or righteous.
It doesn’t mean every critique is fair.
But it does mean backlash is part of visibility.

And we should allow room for conversation.

And let’s be honest—we are all adults here. I believe we can handle the sight of a sexy dress without losing our composure or our theology. Who knows, maybe next we’ll see Dr. Jamal Bryant preaching in sweatpants.

This moment isn’t about shaming a woman. It’s about acknowledging the tension many of us live in daily—the space between faith and fun, modesty and expression, freedom and responsibility.

And maybe the real question isn’t whether the dress was right or wrong.

Maybe the question is:
Are we prepared for the conversations, practices, and thoughts we have around sex or sexuality? Why did our minds automatically go there?

Are we prepared for the consequences of how we choose to show up in public spaces—and are we extending the same grace we hope to receive?

Are we prepared for the conversations about us around how we choose to show up in public spaces?

Because if we’re honest, most of us have been Vashti at some point.
And many of us have also worn the dress or the not so good looking thing that sparked talk.

Now You Understand Why Sarah Called Her Husband Lord

For years, I read the scripture where Sarah called Abraham lord and quietly bristled. Because I didn’t understand and felt she was making him her god. 

But now that I understand covenant authority.

“Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…” — 1 Peter 3:6

 

This was never about inferiority or even his current condition or alignment.

Sarah wasn’t shrinking herself. She was standing inside a divine principal... 

Calling her Abraham up in a way that would expanded his life. 

She understood strategy. Something modern women are rarely taught and don't know how to give. When a man is rightly positioned under God, honoring him doesn’t diminish a woman—it covers him.

Calling Abraham lord wasn’t for flattery or out of fear. It was, Sarah's way of helping him to recognized the weight he carried, the responsibility on his shoulders, and the assignment God had entrusted to him. 

She honored the office, to raise the man.

That's why when Jesus speaks of fasting, He does not frame it as discipline first — He frames it as relationship.

When Jesus said “Who touched Me?”, it comes from this moment:

The Scripture

“And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.”
— Luke 8:45–46 (KJV)

He calls Himself the Bridegroom.

In ancient covenant culture, when the bridegroom was present, the atmosphere was celebration, provision, protection, and delight. 

The bride did not fast because she was in the presence of her husband. She was fed, covered, and cherished. Fasting would have been inappropriate because it would signal lack, 

And lack does not exist where the covenant head is present. Who wants to state lack in the presence of their husband.

Jesus is teaching that fasting is not for earning love — it is for those who long for God when His presence is withdrawn from them.

Wife Wisdom: Know the Season

A wise bride understands timing.

When the Bridegroom feels distant → Fast

Fasting is not punishment. It is desire intensified. It is the language of a bride saying, “I miss You.”

The Pharisees fasted out of duty.

John’s disciples fasted out of transition.
Jesus’ disciples rested out of covenant security.

A wife does not starve herself to prove loyalty while her husband is at the table. You don't need all night prayer when you are talking to God.

This is why fasting without intimacy becomes religious anorexia — thin in power, empty in love.

Fasting is not a lifestyle of deprivation.

A woman grounded in covenant:

Knows when to pray

Jesus is restoring us back to biblical intelligence, not religious exhaustion.

She's A Wonder To My Soul.

Final Decree

You do not fast to become His bride. You are already one with God.